DIARY Of THE NORTHERN TOUR
June 21st 2001 Lytham St Annes

Hello
Well we have done the firts gig and we can safely say that it was ex\treemely slick and very well rehearsed and we knew exactly ahwt we were doing. So there., Mmmmmm.
Me and Chris are at some nice people called Eddie and Ann Greens house wuth a dog.Called Penny. We both think Kate is very naughty seeing as she has deserted us to to go to Birmingham of all places. She has gone on the train. We suspect that she is not coming back. I reckon this is because we noticed that she played a wrong note last night.

We strongly disapprove which she knows. We told her that we would loet her off this one time but if she did it again she would be sacked. But that’s no reason to desert us.

Trouble is who’s going to do the clarinet part? I spect I’ll have to do it on the kazoo. I expect playing the clarinet is quite easy really and we’ve got her clarinet. Har Har.

NB I’m not sure what the dog is doing to that beanbag but it looks very rude/strangely familiar.

Yesterday we got all our stuff in my car and then we had to pump the tyres up a lot. A very lot.

And then drive slowly. Over the bumps. We put lots of petrol, chocolate, water and then went on the motorway.

It was long. However there were some interesting parts like when we spotted a woman with the biggest ever sunglasses on in a Volvo. A lorry with pipes on - actually that’s not interesting really.

NB re-dog- you wouldn’t’ve thought it would have the energy at 14 years old.

We get to the gig with one minute to oreder food and the onion rings came on a 3 foot pole. We set the stuff up and then only had 20mins to get our lovely styage gear on. Well except for Chris who hasn’t got a nice dressy so i think I will buy him one today so he’ll fit in better.

Actually we weren’t quite as slick as I made out you might of suspected. Hee hee. But considering that we hadn’t had enough choclate or any custard at all I thoguth it was quite good for our first proper gig. Everyone clppped anyway.

NB re - dog - is making a lot of noise.

There was one person who had some very useful advice for me. This was that I should sing a tradifiotnal folk song in the 2nd half.

‘You’ve got a nice voice, luvvy - why don’t you sing a folk song?’

‘I only sing my songs- that’s what I’ve been booked for..’

‘Yes but, luvvy, you could just dol one folk song couldn’t you? I then you might find you know .... if the BBc got hold of you they’d probably give you a spot, luvvy cos you’re very good, luvvy’ etc etc etc blah blah blah blah.

So true. Sometimes I do not know why I don’t follow people’s advice.

Eddie and Ann’s club is called The Hole In One at South Park Forest Drive Lytham near Preston. The nice thing is everyone just gives what they can afford to see someone which means any one can go. It’s great. Eddie Green used to make guitars for Fylde who are a famous guitar-making company in Fylde but they’ve moved now to Penrith. Once he fixed my banjo.(Not sure that was such a good idea). Fylde guitars are extremely nice-sounding.

Hello, Chris Here. I have never liked bean bags, not even big ones with nice patterns on...

JUNE 23ND 2001 Elloughton

actually we don’t know where we are.

Chris here again... sorry got distracted.
....that you can relax on and have your dinner on watching neighbours. Really,

Anna speaking - Chris is moaning because he wants to nor have the dotty things which are clla ed all acharacters but I want them on.

ANNOUNCEMENT In the ‘Men Don’t Listen and Women Can’t Read Maps’ questionnaier (from a book I have with) we have scored the following:
As mentione din our postcard-
annA = 210
Kate = 270
Chris = 90

a top score shows how girly you are and a low score shows how boysy you are. The bottom score is minus 25 or something and the top score is 350 or something. So we have all done very well - not too girly (although Kate is verging on it) and not too boysy although we allowed Chris to cahnge one of his answers so that he could get 10 more points than he would’ve done......

We are all lying on a duvet in the room of this huge house which is ritgh next to the sea in fact the garden leads right to the sea nad the Humber bridge is just up the sea from there. Haven’t been doing this writing thing as forgot and were too busy. Had a nice gig at Elloughton - vereyone lovely and nice audience. Tried out ‘Audience Snap’. Will Richardson who organised the gig and helpedme find contacts for the others was wonderful and got us food and stuff. It was great.

Back to Chris...

we have met some very nice poeple who have made us park in a very thin drive,...oi anna stop pressing my keys

hello kate here, am taking over because the conversatin has changed to talking about reverse psychology and its all too much for one of little brain. what r these dotty things ? had to park the car on a very thin drive, bit strange cos it was only a gate post and all the fence has fallen down. very odd. am writing rather strangely cos my fingers are too fat. Ann asays it is good so i thinki may be allowed to stay in thje band now..maybe!

chris here again....  as i was saying before i was rudely interupted. ...when we looked at the bridge one of the bulb was not working properly...

kate here... am evry worried about Anna, she is making funny doggy shaggy noises all the time, #r count8ing our money now, may be a bit upsetting to find we have only vlittle bit, but s bou9 bfc4jneejdnbcdnwc bhdbfrhdebdbhdneuj4e. chris is sleeping, poor thing very nasty business that hangover, he didn't throw up in the car though which was very kind.

Anna speaking: by the way Kate ripped her trousers by trying to do a handstand at a castle we visitied near on the way from Driffield to Otley.

It was called Spofforth and it was really nice.

We also went to a nice pub at a plce I can’t remeber. The next day I ripped my trousers from only doing nothing at all.They are from River Island and specially desined to rip as they are made out of very diluted denim - it’s very annoying.

Chris was sick from drinkign a whole bottle of vodka and 11 bottles of Stella. We told him not to do it..... then he was sick (This was at Otley). In the morning he lay onhis bed and was all ill looking. We said to him’How are you Chrissy-wissy? you do look ill..’

‘Oh - I am feeling very swishy’ says Chris looking as if he will be sick.

‘Oh poor Chwis - you stay in bed while we do the load-out.’

‘ Ohhhh .... (blerg blerg) I think I should come and help you.. . (blerghhhh blop) (looking all faint and green)’

‘No no Chris you stay in bed.’

‘ Ohhhh ....ok then (eyes sunken, eye brows up twards the middle-type look) - I’ll just lie still for a bit.’

Door shuts quietly and Kate and annA go off to load-out. Chris sits up in bed and gets a nice book out, switches on the telly and lies back with satisfied grin on face. Naughty Chris.

Kate here...  have just discovered good noise on computer, profit? did i hear correctly? am going to zzzzzzz.

That was Kate she pressed the ‘end’ button.

JUNE 28nd 2001 Birmingham (Kate’s house)

Hello - I am having lunch with Kate for we are working together this week going into some Birmingham schools to do music with the kids. It is quite tiring. Kate’s house is extrememely messy and so I feel quite at home here.

As yucan terll we were quite bad at keeping a proper diary during the tour due to pressures of work and suchlike so I’ll just let you know that we had a lovely time and even made a slighty bit of money each - wow! I think this could work.

TOUR STUFF

Just saying about the gigs here now:

LYTHAM was lovely - Ann and Eddie (promoters) are great. It’s in a pub called the Hole-In-One and had a mix of people in. We were not that slick which was a bit annoying but we think they liked it.

DRIFFIELD

the audience at Driffield

two band members heavily disguised in dark glasses
This was very enjoyable and the audience were joiny -inny and fun. However the hotel was no so great - it had round pin sockets and we tried to plug thwe kettle in but found we had to plug in it inside the wardrobe which made the wardrobe all steam.

Plus we could get noe drink even though it was a pub. The nice thing was the breakfast though - it was a very good one.

Kate crying because she played a WRONG NOTE at Driffield. Kate ok again.
 

OTLEY looked like it was going to be fantastic. Great PA, nice promoter, good room, hotel upstairs from the gig (ideal). Then by 9.00 only 12 people had turned up and that was it for the rest of the evening. Apparently there is a reason for this which is an amzing one - there’s this folk mafia who usually run gigs round that way and cos I’d arranged mine through the brother of the promoter who runs Elloughton, these strange people went round sticking posters over mine and removing flyers from the gig. How stupid is that? Especially as folk music is hardly big business - what do they do? Go round making offers to people that they can’t refuse? Like promising not to sing if they’re given some money....

Anyway - we carried on and did the gig and guess what? It was the best gig of the tour cos the audience were really professional and did whooping, cheering, clapping a special clap which Chris discovered that night which makes it sound like there are 3 times as many people as there really are. They were also responsible for helping to invent ‘Audience Snap’ which we tried the mext day at Elloughton. The names of the audience at Otley were: Sylvia, Helen, Kat, Richard, Nick, Joe, Mark, Dave, Dan, Linda, Nicola, Gordon.

We enjoyed this gig so much and took a special photo of them which shows actually how many people there actually were actually.
T
Thankyou Otley. And thankyou Dave for organising it.

ELLOUGHTON Another lovely gig and so well loooked after! We stayed at this amazing house which was right on the Humber Estuary right next to the Humber bridge. Dave and Sheila they were. They had dug up 300,000 cubic feets of earth in their garden and have got a frog. Also the sea in just at the back of the garden. The view is A-mazing.

ENDY BIT

Got to go now as going back to do a gig at the school ....

Hello back home now actually in Warwick. The Wimbledon is on. I actually like the Wimbledon but I haven’t seend hardly any of it. I’m just finishing off this bit of diary for you. We had a great gig at Elloughton and thoroughly enjoyed the whole tour. We will definitely do it again. We went home the next day via Donnington Services and sent you a postcard. And spent all out hard-earnt money on more postcards and socks. Oh well.

Anyway I’ve decided that I will let Chris and Kate carry on being in my band as long as they:
1. Have fun
2. Do what I say
3. Never disagree with anything i say unless I tell them to
4. Never criticise my songs, singing, playing or anything connected with gigs, actually anything to do with me really.
5. Laugh a lot
6. Not complain about anything unless I am
7. Never play any wrong notes
8. Always say how nice everything is and be amazed at normal everyday stuff like a leaf, bird, tree, table top, bus-stop, caterpillar.
9. Not ask about money - ever.
10. Play their instruments without going blerghh or squeeek or sklub or rerk.

THERE WE ARE that’s not too much to ask is it? I am sure they will be very pleased.

Do you know I have used every cup, every plate, every bowl, every knife, fork and spoon and every saucepan in fact everything. We have got to the using-vases-for-cups-and- casssearole-dishes-for-plates stage.

Anyway going now - next thing is a gig near Coventry on July 31st apart from tomorrow a solo gig in Claygate. Then Kate and Chris will be playing with me and Julianne at the Mill gig in Banbury - just abit and then at Cropredy. Brilliant.

Until the next time - I have to go now as I’m going to try and practice my scales the Chris Knibbs way - I didn’t know but apparently you can get boil-in-the-bag scales these days.....

Love annA