This is some more stuff about my trip to Australia. There might be some things I’ve already said when I emailed you from Oz but never mind – this has got photos and cartoons as well.

I started keeping a special diary which didn’t get finished but here it is anyway:

Feb 28 Heathrow airport : 7pm sitting in uncomfy airport lounge

First thing I realised is stuff is too heavy + bad news = was forced to pay £112 by BRITISH AIRWAYS (rotters) basically for the weight of my guitar which is 9kg.

A kg is a bag of sugar which is not much. What I should’ve done is pointed out the really fat man in the queue and asked if he’s going to get charged for excess baggage. I mean well really I only weigh 7 and ½ stone. Spect I shall have to end out leaving my clothes/guitar behind in Australia (which should I leave?) as I have already busted the bank before I have even got on the plane. Doh!

8pmish in pretend Italian-type café place near gate 3

I am now eating something which looks like this:

Apparently it is roasted vegetables. I have also got a Stella Artois which is nice. I have got 2 hours to wait. Can’t even practice cos my overweight guitar have got down the ‘safe luggage shute’. NOT. Marty Willson-Piper (friend) said to me:

As it happens I would not be too sad as I will not have to pay another £112 on the way back. Plus I will get enough insurance money to cover my costs.

You know I have not been on a plane apart from to France once and to Jersey twice. I am looking round here and get the distinct feeling that everyone knows things I don’t. They seem to have quite a lot of hand-luggage and have headed straight for the bar.

Have just heard I have to head for gate 3 now…..

On the plane…

We’re nearly at Singapore. It is 5 something there but in the UK it’s 10 to 10. We are 23 thousand feet up and lots across. I’m sitting next to the window right on the wing with 2 people on my left. Apparently this is a Boeing 747 which is called a Jumbo Jet. It is massive. I am quite surprised it’s up here actually. I’m not sure I quite ever understand how this happens.

It is extremely cramped and we all have tried to sleep but it’s almost impossible as it’s so uncomfortable. Some people have brought pumpy-up pillows to put round their necks. The food is HORRRRIBLE!!! But I have decided I am now on a survival type-thing and have been forcing myself to eat it and to drink lots of water. I have realised that the crew have been briefed to trick us into thinking it’s another time by giving us meals which are called ‘breakfast’, ‘lunch’ or ‘dinner’ – we only know this because they announce it, not because it actually looks or tastes like it.

This is supposed to tricking us into not getting jetlag but I reckon we’re all going to be ill from:

a) being too cramped

b) the horrible stale air being pumped round the cabin

c) the food

d) lack of sleep

e) stiff necks due too having nowhere to lay our heads

There is a man on the plane who looks like this:

We think that he has most likely been drinking to cope with all of the above. He staggering about the aisle and annoying people. He seems to have bought a necklace from the duty free book.

We are now at 37 thousand feet above Kuala Lumpar. Going at 536 miles an hour. We’ve come 6559 miles and it’s minus 47 degrees outside. I know all this because there’s a screen which tells us all this vaguely interesting information. If I look out the window all is clouds and a wing which is about a mile long and slightly wobbling up and down rather disconcertingly.

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