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PUT ANOTHER CAR IN MY GRAVEYARD 5/6/93 annA rydeR
My Mini Traveller's travellin' days are over
And my Jaguar aint roarin' no more
Old age has finally tamed my wild Rover
And that's what this graveyard is for
My Morris Special aint special no longer
My Triumph Convertible's convertin' to rust
But they'll cruisin' on to the Great Yonder
Aluminum to oxide and seatcovers to dust
SO PUT ANOTHER CAR IN MY GRAVEYARD
'COS THERE'S ALWAYS ROOM FOR ONE MORE
PUT ANOTHER CAR IN MY GRAVEYARD
'COS TO CARS MY HEART'S AN OPEN DOOR
I got two MG Y-Type Saloons
My Austin Healey has run it's last race
My Ford Cortina will be joinin' them soon
My Riley Kestrel's found it's last nestin' place
I got a Rover Two Thousand Two Hundred
And a Mini Twelve Seventy-Five GT
But, hell, these wrecks make me wonder
If the same thing's a-gonna happen to me
SO PUT ANOTHER ...
Now I know that all this might sound crazy
But I just can't abandon my friends
So I buried them all in my garden
For all of eternity to spend
My life's been a highway to Heaven
Ev'ry motor I've had's been a star
But there's just one thing I can't remember
Where the hell did I leave my new car?
SO PUT ANOTHER ....
ZERO INCHES 13/5/94 annA rydeR
FIVE INCH, FOUR INCH, THREE INCH, TWO INCH
ONE INCH, ZERO INCHES FROM YOU
FIVE INCH, FOUR INCH, THREE INCH, TWO INCH, ONE INCH
ZERO INCHES FROM YOU
Get close, close to me baby, get close, leave no gap
Move up, close to me baby, gimme some close contact
Leave no space between us, no space to swing a cat
Leave no room between us, babe you gotta fill that gap
ZERO INCHES FROM YOU, NO-ONE ELSE I'LL GO TO
ZERO INCHES FROM YOU, NO DISTANCE AT ALL - I WANT YOU
ZERO INCHES FROM ME, THAT'S WHAT YOU OUGHTA BE
ZERO INCHES FROM ME, LISTEN TO ME CALL
FIVE INCH, FOUR INCH, THREE INCH.....as beginning bit
Just like the dish and the spoon, just a candle and a flame
You and me we go together, you're my middle name yeh
Just like the man in the moon, just like a track and train
If we didn't go together it would be a shame
ZERO INCHES.....
FIVE INCH
When you're less than near to me my life is full of misery
Such a chasm in my heart, it's no good to be apart
Miles and miles and miles of space, longing just to see your face
All I want to be, it's true, is zero inches from you
FIVE INCH.....
...FROM YOU
ZE..........RO INCHES FROM YOU ...............
BIG OLD HOUSE 18/10/93 annA rydeR
They're sleeping in our rooms, they're walking on our floors
They're going up our stairs, and opening our doors
They're living in our house but they don't know what it's for
Who do they think they are
'Cos we've been writing on the walls, we've been doing Tarzan calls
We've been rollerskating down the hall in the our big old house
We've been borrowing a big lump hammer, we've been playing on our piana
We've been learning how to swagger all around our house
BUT WE BETTER WATCH OUT 'COS WE'LL GET CHUCKED OUT
IF THE RENT MAN SEES WHAT WE'VE DONE
WE BETTER TAKE CARE HE DOESN'T CATCH US UNAWARE
'COS THE RENT MAN WILL HAVE US ON THE RUN (STOP US HAVING FUN)
We've been climbing on the roof, we've been acting quite uncoof
We think we're rebellious youth all around our house
We've been sliding down the stairs - we've been riding on the arms of the chairs
We've been cutting someone else's hair in our big old house
Oh we've been filling up the bath, we've been having lots of laughs
We don't do these things by halfs in our big old house
BUT WE BETTER....
We've been making toadstool soup, we've been doing loop-the-loop
We've been pretending we're an army troop all around our house
We've been learning how to fly - jump off the wardrobe, pretend to die
It's always worth it to have a try in our big old house
We've been smoking cigarettes, we've been getting a little bit wrecked
We've been having no regrets all around our house
Oh - our faces are gone, Oh - but our ghosts are everywhere
Oh - they can't hear us laughing but our laughter is in the air -
So I'm going back to get our house
I'm gonna knock on the door and tell them what it's all about
They should not have pushed us out - it's our big old house
It's our big old house, it's our big old house, Yeh, it's ours, it's ours, it's our house
HOOVER SONG annA rydeR 1992
(Written for The Most Boring Act In The World Competition)
I've got this feeling, sending me reeling,
I'm not dreaming, it's true,
I'm not talking 'maybe', it's easy as A B
See baby, I'm in love with you.
I can plug you in and switch you on,
And find just where your spark is coming from,
Not to mention the extension you can gain
When you're connected to my mains.
OH HOOVER! You're such a romantic mover,
When I take you to the cupboard, sucker,
I don't want to put you away.
OH HOOVER! You're the slickest dirt remover,
Clean my floors, please don't pause for applause,
Do it every day.
Even though you have attachments - I don't care
I know that when I need you, you are there,
You beat as you sweep as you clean,
You're a dream even though you are green,
And everywhere you go I'll follow your lead.
OH HOOVER! I know if I had to choose the
One I love I'd be the loser if I said
It wasn't you.
OH HOOVER! I can think of nothing smoother
Than they way you glide through the
Carpet pile and do it with a smile.
OH HOOVER! If you only knew the
Times I've wanted you, surviving with
Only a carpet-sweeper all the while.
Even though you have a hard exterior,
Your interior is really quite superior,
I've pressed your buttons and only I knows
How to change your bagand clean out your hose,
You're mine and far from inferior.
OH HOOVER! I'd like to hang you in the Louvres,
It only goes to prove a Hoover can
Manouver to parts another vacuum cleaner cannot reach.
HOOVER, HOOVER, HOOVER, HOOVER.....
LOOK OUT
I may be found playing my guitar
I may be found at the wheel of a car
I may be found underneath a star
I may be found it won't be very far
She said 'You can speak to me and I will speak to you
You can call me darling but don't tell me what to do'
LOOK OUT LOOK OUT
He said 'If I'm not around, you will find me in the bar
Talking to my friends, oh, you know who they are'
He said 'I'm a friend of yours if you're a friend of mine
Let me hold your hand you know we'll feel just fine'
LOOK OUT LOOK OUT
I'm many miles, many miles from home
I don't want, don't want to be alone
Please call me up on the telepho-o-one
He said ' Who do I have to fax to get some company?'
She said 'What do I have to do to make you look at me?'
He said 'Where do I have to go for a smiling face?'
She said 'Stop! You're in the right place'
She said 'Can you speak to me if I speak to you?
Can I call you darling? I won't tell you what to do'
He said 'Let me be your friend', she said 'You can take your time'
He said 'I will take my time', she said 'You're a friend of mine'
It's a fact of life you will find us in no doubt
All over the world taking our time out
LOOK OUT LOOK OUT
THE SORRY-FOR-MYSELF TRAIN
I'll leave my sofa on the pavement and write my goodbyes on the wall
I'll put my keys in the postbox, push my piano in the swimming pool
I'll place my records in the freezer, throw my trumpet down the drain
I'll set fire to the table and take the Sorry-For-Myself Train
Woo-oo, it's a slow train and it stops at every station
Woo-oo, I got a ticket, now I need an explanation
For why-yi-yi-yi-yi this hapens to me-e-e-e-ee
Oh I-yi-yi-yi-yi am so unha-ha-ha-happy
I'll raost my shoes in the cooker and leave my books in the sink
I'll lose my 'ccordion in the treetops and then I'll drink all the drink
(all the drink all the drink)
I'll hang my french horn on a lamp-post and leave my money in the rain
I'll push my bed out of the window and take the Sorry-For-Myself Train
Woo-oo ...
For why-yi ...
One foot in front of the other, I'll walk slowly down the road
Leaving everything on the wrong place and paying nothing that I owed
I'm a mean old meany, I can't be bothered to explain
I'm just going to the station to take the Sorry-For-Myself Train
Woo-oo
MR LOVELY
Mr Lovely's out tonight, dressed up to his neck
Happy as the moon os bright - in the mirror he makes a final check
That everything's right
Mr Lovely's hair is V-shaped, his teeth are sharp
Unfortunately his last girl escaped when it wasn't dark (oh well)
He puts on his cape
And all conditions are right
MR LOVELY HE LOOKS NICE MR LOVELY WANTS TO MAKE THEM LLOK TWICE
BEWARE OF MR LOVELY HE'S FAST
AND MANY A GIRL HAS LOVED MR LOVELY IN THE PAST
There's a sparkle in his eye, he's appearing at the bar
He doesn't have to try, she can already see he's a star (small fry)
To him it's hello but for her it's goodbye
Truly she can't say no
Because she's actually hypnotised, she's actually hypnotised
MR LOVELY...
And it's of no use that she has a crucifix upon a chain around her neck
And it's of absolutely no use that she's been eating garlic bread
Cos he's immune, he doesn't dance to that old tune
For he's a modern and sensitive guy especially under a full moon
And he takes her in his arms and charms her
MR LOVELY...
Instrumental ...
Mr Lovely's back now - there's a spring in his step and yet again
There's a girl on his arm somehow and he dearly craves her neck (yes really)
He leads her to his bed and nothing is said
And the duvet's red ...
MR LOVELY HE LOOKS NICE.
WASHING MACHINE
One of them's hiding bottles in the washing machine
The other knows it's happening and thinks it's obscene
Each pretends the other doesn't know what has been going on
And it's a long, long story in between
One of them's heart is broken, the other's heart is stone
They live togther but truly live alone
The cold they feel cuts deeper than the bone
No-one speaks about it but it's widely known
Life isn't like a washing machine
Put your lies in dirty they don't come out clean
Undo the screws, look inside your head
You'll find a place no-one dares to tread
Under the flowerpots behind the shed
Tucked into the mattress of their very own bed
Empty the lemonade replace it with gin
Crawl into a burrow no-one else can get in
Store up pleasure in the bottom of a bin
Hope that no-one presses the button reading 'spin'
Life ....
Inside the bicycle saddle bag
In an unused cupboard wrapped in a rag
Conceal the loved and hated swag
Makes one despised, the other the nag
Both of them concluding the other is mad
How could you let things get so bad?
You've even made the child sad
If one goes now will the other be glad?
Life...
THE WHITEMAN
A curious man walks on the road
It's insanely dangerous but he's not hurrying
The creases in his face look like they run deep
Could they be from smiling or from worrying
The people in their cars give him an ugly stare
But you know he's somewhere else and he doesn't care
And he dresses all in white
And picks up everything in sight
They call him The Whiteman - oooo
Yes The Whiteman - oooo - The Whiteman
And his eyelids never blink
And his skin is deadly pink
And children are told 'Don't look into his face
Cos he can cast a spell through the window of a car
To get you, he doesn't have to chase you'
And people do a double take as they're flashing by
He must be mad, he must be stupid
Coed he want to die?
And he dresses ...
I'm not as old as I look I've just had a hard time
I'm not as mad as I see, I've just fallen out of line
I lost my family in 1983
and since then I've been walking
And I'm sure someone used to love me
And his jacket is white
And his trousers are white
And his shoes are white, are white
And before his days of whiteness, yes, he used to be loved
Perhaps they took him out in the starlight
But now his occupation is weird
And people tell their children he's a man to be feared
And he dresses...
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